Socially Unacceptable Humor

Filed in Jokes by on August 5, 2012

I warned you that this was Socially Unacceptable Humor.

You must have been corrupt before you followed the dots to read it. 

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I was in bed with a blind girl last night. She said I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg.”

I saw a poor old lady fall on the ice today. I presume she was poor. She only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks I am a stalker. Well, she is not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I went for my routine checkup today. Everything seemed fine until he stuck his finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife said to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." He said, "What do you expect? You're in a wheel chair."

I explained to my wife that when you die you often are reincarnated as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst, so, I went to the thrift shop to get her clothes back.

They had a contest at the Senior Citizens Center. I lost by a point: The question was, “Where do women mostly have curly hair?” Apparently, the correct answer was Africa! Who knew?

One other question I missed was to name things commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not correct either.

A new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center. They banned me from it after I asked to look at some new bomber jackets.

You can say many bad things about pedophiles but they drive slowly past schools.

A buddy just told me he was getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a mustache."

I mentioned putting a deposit down on a new Porsche on Facebook. I said, "I cannot wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing, 40,000 Muslims added me as friends!

Being modest, I said to the woman at the hotel registration desk recently, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." She replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sicko."

The Red Cross just asked us to help with the Pakistan floods. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

 

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